Thursday, May 07th, 2009 | Author: Mystical
J asked:
As I walked through the forest, there was a soft whisper in the wind. I was used to walking through the woods. It’s been a shortcut that I took ever since I started High School. Today, there was something different; something that didn’t feel right. My feet started to move faster, to keep up with the burst of adrenaline that flowed throughout my body.
ROBERTA
As I walked through the forest, there was a soft whisper in the wind. I was used to walking through the woods. It’s been a shortcut that I took ever since I started High School. Today, there was something different; something that didn’t feel right. My feet started to move faster, to keep up with the burst of adrenaline that flowed throughout my body.
ROBERTA
Category: Books & Authors
I’d read this book, especially if there was a spooky forest with glowing eyes in the dark on the front cover.
I’d turn ‘through the woods’ to ‘this route’.
You’ve already said its a forest.
Other than that I’d like to read the next few paragraphs.
NO! maybe if you like that sort of start-out scary kind of books. i like books that get in to the character and then get scary
sounds good to me. It starts of interestingly enough to make me want to continue reading…to find out what is so different…why the adrenaline rush….
Now I want to know what happens : (
haha.
no — no offense, but it’s amateurish and boring, even badly written. When writing, keep in mind that the reader will automatically thing “why should I care?”
honestly, I’m NOT trying to offend you. it’s just I have been a writer for years, and know what type of writing sparks interest and curiosity. good luck with your story.
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
i would sooooo get in to it
I would start with the character running. That way it makes the reader wonder what they are running from and throws the reader immediately into the action. Maybe even start out by having your character yelling help or something.
There was something about your current first few sentences from “As I…High School” that just didn’t click for me.
But overall – I’d read the final product. Good luck with the rest.
It moves too fast. You can’t get a burst of adrenaline because “there was something different”. Either something is Severely different, in which case you need to give a far better description of exactly how it’s different, and why that difference is enough to get someone’s heart pounding; or your main character is the kind of person who can just tell that the proper response to “a soft whisper in the wind” is to start running as fast as she can, in which case you’d better be prepared to show exactly how that person got to be so perceptive.